Hi, my name is Ismenia and for the sake of this website, I will go as Paris! Paris is the name that I somehow adopted during my wild nights out, an alter ego of sorts. So let’s just have some fun!
I am a NYC native born 32 year old girl that has been single for about 2 years now. What a shocker it was to me when I decided I was ready to date and found that modern day dating is sooooo fucked up. I have been in a relationship one after the other pretty much since I was 15 years old. I have never been single for more than 2 months until now. A few years ago, dating was easy, it was romantic. Guys wooed girls that they liked with poems, flowers, and sweet words. I have been thrown in the mix now, and have found that dating today is nothing but a power struggle game, lies, sex, and social media. I have not been able to successfully date someone for longer than a few weeks, maybe if I have been lucky, a few months.
Why? Why is it that modern day generations can not connect? I have been confused lately as to why the wedding industry continues to boom. But then again, divorce lawyers are also making a lot of money. I have met people that have been married up to 8 times in their 55 years of life. Does happily ever after not exist anymore?
I believe the answer is in the rise of dating apps, and the rise of social media that connects us to the world every second of the day. Tinder, Match, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid, etc. There are about a million of them, I even saw one for people that like the same coffee; WHAT??? We are all so caught up on what’s trending, on fame, on appearance, and on constant gratification that we don’t have the tolerance for slowness. We have become impatient, there is no waiting anymore for a website to load longer than 3 seconds, no patience for a person to respond to a text, no patience for having sex with someone you just met. If you don’t get what you want, when you want it, you are done and move on to the next. We have been spoiled. I am not going to lie, I catch myself being just as impatient. I recently traveled to Cuba. They have very limited internet access, I rather take on the roaming charges that ATT would give me and turn on my data so that I can connect for a few minutes at a time to Instagram and Snapchat. I am also part of the problem.
Let’s backtrack a little, who is Paris and why is she here? Why did I create this site? I am a 1st generation Dominican, born and raised in Washington Heights (uptown manhattan). Ever since I was little I felt that I didn’t fit in with the community I grew up within. I am very proud to be Dominican, don’t get me wrong, but in my neighborhood most girls got pregnant out of wed lock, and dated drug dealers. They lived on welfare and gossiped a lot. I never wanted to be another stereo type. I wanted to break out of that, I was meant to be more. I knew it every night that I looked at the moon. Yet, life works in mysterious ways, and I got pregnant as well out of wedlock, had my daughter at the age of 21. But I was determined to at least not live off the government. I graduated with a degree in Finance and Economics from Baruch College and got a contract to work at the prestigious Lehman Brothers investment bank. I moved out of my parent’s house as soon as my daughter was born, I would not let them support me and my child. I parted ways with the father of my daughter for selfish reasons. A month later I started a relationship with my best friend. I spent 9 years with him and he dumped me. We had a very toxic and unhealthy relationship. But he left because he was Bengali and Muslim and his parents would not allow him to marry me. He had to choose, me or them. In the end he chose them. Since then, my whole life has changed. It took me about a year before I felt that I could even think about talking to another guy. The road since then has been an emotional rollercoaster. I am a hopeless romantic dating in a city filled with fuckboys. My name is Paris, welcome to my world.
An update from when I last wrote this section. I have become an advocate for Domestic Violence and Women Empowerment. We all have busy lives, I sure as hell do between work, school, and raising a daughter, sometimes I don’t even find time for myself. However, I want to use my past experiences to help other women that have been just like me, that have felt worthless just like me, and that did not know where to turn, just like me. When you are part of an unhealthy relationship, you are so ashamed of yourself, you hate yourself at times for allowing this and can’t comprehend how you can somehow continue to love someone that hurts you. Furthermore, you don’t know how to leave the situation in the first place. You become codependent and as easy as it seems to walk away, you just can’t. I want to be that person that women can reach out to for the motivation they need, for the reminder they need to know they are stronger than they believe. I want to help those. My need for this has led me to join an organization that works with the UN in helping stop violence and gender base discrimination world wide. So join me in my quest. Again, my name is Paris and thank you for visiting.