I recently removed myself from a “situationship.” I have only been in two my whole life. This is described by two people engaging in what seems like a full fledge relationship without the commitment, so both are still open to seeing other people. It is very common amongst modern day dating. I have come across a lot of women and men that are in some sort of situationship in their life. Sometimes we meet people and are currently not in the best place in our life and do not want to get involved in anything serious because it will require more time and attention than we are available to give. But at what point do you realize that this has exhausted it’s time and you should move on?
This is something that is obviously different for each individual in the situationship. Eventually with time, one person starts to get attached and to want more than the other. At this point a conversation should be had on what the future will look like. What I have come to find is that most people will not bring it up in hopes that their partner will feel the same and make the first move. It is possible that both are feeling this exact same way, but waiting will not help the situation. It will only start to arise questions as to why your partner hasn’t bothered to try to solidify the relationship. A lot of people would rather stay quiet because they feel it makes them vulnerable to open up about what they want, or they are scared of rejection. They may not want to face the risk of losing what they currently have or are scared that they themselves may not be able to continue if the other person doesn’t feel the same. But at the end of the day, do you want to continue investing your energy on something that does not have a future? What if that other person starts to date someone else on a more consistent basis? You would then find yourself in a triangle, having to compete for attention.
If you are currently in a situationship and have started to feel like you want more or deserve more, then speak up! You will only lose something that would have ended anyways. By continuing to focus on this person, you are prohibiting yourself from being open to allowing other potential partners to have a chance with you. Even if you aren’t committed to your current partner, if you have developed feelings for them, then you will subconsciously not be open to dating others. You will find yourself comparing your new date to your current partner, you will look for flaws just to give you a reason to not allow it to evolve past a few dates. Demand what you want and expect from your current partner and if they aren’t on the same page, then walk away. Don’t accept discounts!
I was seeing someone who kept telling me that he did not want a serious commitment, he said he needed to work on himself. I completely respect and understand that as I also felt like I needed to work on myself. But after 2 years of the same thing, it came to a point where I started to wonder why we couldn’t help each other grow, why we couldn’t be in a relationship and work on ourselves mutually? Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you stop being an individual. I think the best relationships are when you can have your space and do your own things, and then come together and share growth and create memories together as well. I started to feel like I was his girl friend and wouldn’t allow other guys to date me, yet he wasn’t doing the same. He obviously was on a completely different page. I was putting in most of the effort and he was barely just providing his time when it was convenient for him. Enough was enough, I had a talk with him, and we parted ways. As with all endings, things are always rocky at first, you never bounce right back, but at least now I am open to dating men that do see my value and do want to work on building together. Find the strength you need in your self worth. Don’t waste precious time on dead end streets!